Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

 

Laurence J. Peter

One day your preferred underwear of choice will be granny panties and when the day comes it will be a glorious assault to your sex appeal.

Good Girl Online

Leaky Bladders & Larry David's Return

Parts Wear Out

If there is a moment of footage that encapsulates the best and worst regarding 2019 it would be the day that broke my ego and healed my faith, having to return my beloved bulldog Penny to a  kennel. You don't know Penny like I do but you are welcome to immediately cast me as the bad guy. Please bear in mind the kennel comes after months of urine-related accidents, late night carpet surprises and two questionable golden showers. If you had better solutions it's too late to offer them. Feel free to reimburse the learning curve of doggie diapers, supplements and prescription refills via my Zelle.

​What makes this footage so special? It represents the acceptance of failure.

Failure - n. deterioration or decay, especially of vigor, strength. Lack of success.

​Penny's bladder was failing. Coincidentally my husband's health was spiraling in and out of emergency rooms damn near twice a month. Surely Penny sensed this and encapsulated the stress in her bladder. Add in a territorial marking that could have been triggered by my mother's transition to the Silver State and you best believe her bladder failed. A twelve year old record with few if any accidents means nothing in the face of continual, consistent failure.

Any Reasonable Person could conclude Penny was either aging, empathizing, or both but I was choosing to take the bladder issues personally, as if her pee was intended to stain the last vestiges of my sanity. Failing to manage everything 2019. I curse Helen Gurley Brown daily.

The kennel was my declaration I no longer cared about having it all, I simply wanted some. With the purchase of the kennel, acceptance of good enough was realized. Truly, good enough is all that was ever required.

This is where I cue the Larry David shoulder shrug. I could’ve made this transition so much simpler.

There are some moments of comparison between Larry David and me if I choose to make them matter. We both share a love of writing and production at non-optimal ages except Larry's way, way way way, ahead of me. Plus he has a fan club. I'm proud to be a member of one, a Wordpress site where I truly suspect he is the admin.

If you use Google, it’s easy to see how Lawrence Gene David has been a consistent underdog of a person. First he comes across as an asshole and that can be problematic. But the struggles with his discomfort are beautiful layers of comedy gold and somehow, despite career blunders that end the best of them, Larry David perseveres.

​So with news of the return of Curb Your Enthusiasm and the mockumentary of life, I return to my promise, the one I made to Penny after cackling in agreement that life is unfair – we’ll enjoy it anyway. To that end I continue to utilize The Good Girl to discuss all the little things we can't plan for or think about because no one thought to mention it.

Larry David is back. Some things are right in the world again.