Caregiver here (hand wave) with no idea November is National Caregivers Month. I care for my disabled mom and assist two family members with mental health diseases. Like many others who show up everyday and figure it out, I grieve the policy advances that could have existed under a Harris presidency. Caregiving is a daunting trial by fire. It shouldn't be this hard to love and respect our parents and families.
Saddled with overwhelm, self doubt and threats to physical and mental health in an effort to simply be a decent person, research studies reflect this damaging phenomenon. Research acknowledges the financial value of caregiving work while also acknowledging that this labor is borne through the financial loss of the caregiver. Yet policy and the public have yet to recognize that families need solutions other than figuring it out. Bodies degrade and with the way age ages, sooner or later most of us require assistance. Not all will be able to utilize the limited benefit of home care vis a vis Medicaid.
I grieve an unrealized future where the value of my time is worth more than a digital badge. This digital badge is a 2024 caregiver perk for which I can register, as it serves as an online identifier of the importance of this role. While the gesture of visibility is a step, I would more earnestly value a portion of autonomy and financial viability. I'd value employers understanding and accepting the gaps in my work history as worthy of any other type of labor and experience. A tax credit or a reasonable stipend is also of welcomed assistance.
The possibilities of Harris' policies will not be implemented to help families but there are ways to help on an individual basis. Do not wait for a caregiver to ask for help. Doing so is akin to using a cell phone to film an injured person while expecting the injured to call 911 for themselves. Offer to pick up (and pay for) dinner. Purchase items to assist in needed care such as a case of incontinence undergarments or a case of nutritional supplements. Drop off a restaurant gift card. Provide non-caregiver related opportunities like a night at the movies. Send a Thinking of You card stuffed with cash that would have been spent on one Friday night's worth of cocktails. Purchase a massage gift card. Offer to sit in for a few hours or hell - dare say overnight while the caregiver rests at a reasonably priced hotel. Do not withhold assistance out of a perceived lack of direction. Start with simple phrases like, I know you have alot on your plate... then hand over one or more of the previously mentioned items. Rinse and repeat. Figuring out what truly helps is worked out in the doing, not the thinking.
November is National Caregivers Month. The work is honorable yet isolating. It's treated as an act of drawing the short straw where those more deserving are free to live uninterrupted lives. Siblings know who the caregiver is - it's not them! If appreciation exists in living free of the responsibility of care, surely appreciation can be mustered for the heavy lifters and go-getters operating on empty tanks while finding a way to still run. The beauty of the underdog's will to never give up is heralded in the sports world. Maybe one day we will learn to see the beauty of the caregiver's will and assign a value just as deserving.
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